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Wendy returns for reunion episode. Per listener request Matt shares some of his own personal trauma and how it impacted his relationships before and after his resolution.
Below is the poem I wrote when I was 33. This is how raw the feelings were back then. Thankfully the pain has been healed.
I am a bastard, thanks to you.
I bet 33 years ago you never imagined,
your polluted seed would create
the man that stands here
I N V I S I B L E
Did you think your whimsical germination
would harbor feelings of resentment powerful enough
to create the persona I have built my existence on?
Or does my illegitimacy
deny me the right to claim
this hatred I have for you.
I can’t comprehend the void of feeling
Held within your perverse core
That would allow you to give me away
Forgotten and packed, out of your sight
Out of your mind, like a stuffed animal
Left on the side of the road
Battered
Lonely
Damaged…only
Somewhere out there is a child who mourns
Its loss, helplessly pleading with the parents to
save it, before the unthinkable happens.
Or did it already happen?
Lifeless cloth shell swollen with cotton
has more value, than I to you.
I can relate
I have fonder memories of my own toys.
Of course they were in my life more often
I protected them with every ounce of my soul
I hugged when they were sad
I kept them company when they were alone.
Unconditional love, whatever that is
And no one ever had to ask them why they didn’t have a father?
Or “Why doesn’t he love you?
Or what did you do to make him leave?
But I’m the bastard.
Packsaddle son swaddled in rags
and left out for the Monday night trash.
That’s what you did to me.
Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):
https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/no-time-to-die
License code: S4CEQWLNQXVZUMU4
Artwork and logo design by Misty Rae.
Special thanks to Joanna Roux for editing help.
Special thanks to the listeners and all the wonderful people who helped listen to and provide feedback on the episode's prerelease.
Please feel free to email Matt topics or suggestions, questions or feedback.
Matt@unitedstatesofPTSD.com