Playing Clarinet with My 11-Year-Old Self: A Story About Music, Memory, and Loss

 

This is my first holiday season without my mom.

While going through old recordings after her passing, I found something that stopped me in my tracks: a recording of me at 11 years old playing "The Christmas Song" on clarinet, with my mom accompanying on piano.

It was a fifth grade band holiday concert. Fifth-grade me squeaking through phrases, my mom patiently at the piano, both of us creating something we didn't know would matter like this decades later.

So I decided to do something: I played a duet with my younger self. Current me, meeting fifth-grade me, both of us held together by my mom's piano.

This episode is different from my usual format. It's personal. It's emotional. But I think it might be exactly what some of you need to hear right now.

WHAT YOU'LL DISCOVER IN THIS EPISODE:

The story behind the recording and why my mom captured that moment

What grandparents (and parents and teachers) are really doing when they show up

The "long game" of creating meaning that compounds across decades

Why you should record yourself NOW, even if you're not ready

What you're actually building when you practice your instrument

The full duet performance: three generations in one musical moment

How music collapses time and creates conversations across decades

What it means to become "someone's archive"

THIS EPISODE EXPLORES:

Finding meaning during difficult seasons

The role of music in processing grief and loss

Legacy and what we pass down to future generations

Why your practice matters more than you realize

Creating archives that reveal their meaning later

The compounding effect of showing up consistently

How adult learners demonstrate possibility to those watching them

Whether you've lost someone recently, you're thinking about legacy, or you're wondering if your practice time really matters, this episode is for you.

ABOUT THE CLARINET NINJA PODCAST:

The Clarinet Ninja Podcast helps adult clarinet players reclaim their musical dreams through evidence-based practice methods, systematic skill development, and the mindset of lifelong learning.

Whether you're returning after decades away or just getting started later in life, this show proves it's never too late to become the musician you've always wanted to be.

Hosted by Jay Hassler, who combines performance experience from Carnegie Hall, the Metropolitan Opera, and Broadway with adult learning science to create methods that actually work for real people with real lives.

LEAVE A REVIEW:

If this episode resonated with you, the best way to support this work is to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

It helps other adult learners find the show and join this community of people who believe music is a lifelong conversation with yourself.

Share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. Sometimes the people who need these messages most don't even know they're looking for them.

Keep practicing. Keep showing up. Keep building something that compounds.

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host: Jay Hassler

Production: Clarinet Ninja

Original Recording (1985): Jay Hassler (clarinet), Betty Hassler (piano)

Music: "The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)"

© 2024 Clarinet Ninja. All rights reserved.