A Different Perspective Official Podcast - The Anatomy of Loneliness // Dealing with Loneliness, Part 1

Loneliness. When we experience it, it's as though we're the only one on the planet that's lonely. I guess that's the definition of it – because we feel all alone. But the truth is, that loneliness is a global pandemic. And it's time we did something about it.

I was doing some research the other day on world populations. And discovered that the current world population is just a tad under six and a half billion (6.5 billion). Every second that ticks by sees that number grow by another 2.3 people. So in one year from now, there will be an additional 75 million people added to our number. By 2050, they're saying there should be around 9.2 billion of us.

The most populous nation in the world is China, with just over 1.3 billion people. But what's the least populous nation? It's the Pitcairn Islands, and it has exactly forty-five (45) people in it. Amazing!

Yet, with a world population that's never been higher, loneliness is running at epidemic proportions. There have never in all history been more people on the planet. Yet, as people we have never been more lonely. Doesn't that strike you as odd?

My hunch is that it's just as easy to feel lonely in China surrounded by 1.3 billion people, as it is to feel lonely in the Pitcairn Islands surrounded by just another forty-four (44) people. Why is that?

Well, it's important for us to understand that loneliness is different to being alone. We all choose to have some time alone. One of the things I love to do on the weekend, is just read the paper over a cup of tea or coffee on Saturday morning. And you know something? As much as I love my darling wife and my beautiful daughter, I love to do that on my own.

So being alone is not loneliness. Loneliness is that feeling of being alone and being sad about it. It's like a painful awareness of a lack of meaningful contact with other people. You feel empty inside, it's like there's a hole in your chest. You can be utterly desolate and lonely in a crowd and yet, be delivered from that loneliness by just one person. That's the China/Pitcairn Island's thing.

In the developed world, single person households have increased from 10% of all households in 1950 to around 30% today. So almost one in three households that you drive past or walk past only have one person living in them. The Boston Globe reports that 36% of people, over one-third, feel lonely. But have a listen to the impact, the statistical impact, of loneliness.

People who are isolated by health are twice as likely to die over a period of a decade as those who are not isolated. A study showed that the more isolated men are up to 25% more likely to die of all causes, at any age, versus non-isolated men. Isn't that amazing? And the odds for women are up 33%.

Living alone after a heart attack significantly increases your risk of dying. People with heart disease have a poorer chance of survival if they are unmarried or don't have a partner to assist them. Women who are alone and have breast cancer live half as long as those who do not.

What does that all tell us. What does that tell you?

Well, I think they're compelling statistics and they point to a crisis of loneliness. Why are we so alone? I mean those figures tell us we need one another. We need other people around us. Being alone is a precursor to loneliness. Why? Well, the more money we have the more choices we have. Divorce rates are up for a whole range of reasons, but one of them is the fact that women can now be financially independent. They have a choice, whereas 50 or 60 years ago there was just no choice to divorce.

Single parents, well those numbers are up too, they have a choice to be single. In those circumstances, relationships become less enduring. The less we feel we desperately need each other for physical survival, well, the less enduring relationships become. Why not end a marriage? Why not terminate a long-term relationship?

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