327: Dreading "Are We Having Sex Tonight?" Try the Menu Mindset Instead

Has sex in your marriage become a yes-or-no question: "Are we having sex tonight?"

For one spouse, that question may bring hope and anticipation. For the other, it may feel like a test they're about to pass or fail. When every flirtation, touch, or attempt at closeness seems tied to one expected outcome, both spouses may eventually stop reaching for each other.

In this episode, Dan shares how this pass-or-fail dynamic affected his own marriage and introduces a different approach: the "menu mindset." You'll learn three practical ways to create more choice, flexibility, and genuine desire in your intimate relationship—without denying what you want or waiting for your spouse to change first.

You'll learn how to:

• Build a broader menu of physical and emotional connection
• Replace "Are we having sex tonight?" with a better question
• Respond to disappointment without withdrawing or applying pressure
• Make intimacy feel more playful, pleasurable, and freely chosen

Resources

Get the Intimacy Menu in the Intimacy Vault--only available until September 30!

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321: Why Your Libido Disappeared After the Honeymoon

Next Level Couples Coaching Program

Couples Retreat (April 2027)