Death, Sex & Money

Six and a half years ago, in the wake of the #MeToo movement, we asked our listeners how they think about manhood–how to be, what’s hard, where they feel lost. Fast forward to 2025, and the norms and trends around manhood are even more varied and complicated. So we thought it would be a good time to revisit the stories from 2018 and provide updates on some of the men we heard from.
If you are a man, or are raising a man, or love a man, and want to share more about what you’re noticing about mixed signals about manhood and masculinity today and where you get stuck, record a voice memo and send it to us at deathsexmoney@slate.com. 
Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus.
And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. 
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When the poet and writer Kaveh Akbar likes something, he really likes it. As a high school student, he got hooked on poetry. In college, it was alcohol. This week, Kaveh talks to Anna Sale about the factors that led to his sobriety, and he explains exactly how he manages a life that’s full of healthy, wonderful obsessions as well as problematic ones.  
Kaveh’s critically acclaimed novel Martyr! is now available in paperback. You can read about his temporary fixation on collecting basketball cards in GQ. 
Podcast production by Cameron Drews.
Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus.
And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com.
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In 2023, Anna and On The Media’s Micah Loewinger traveled to Montana to talk to Tasha Adams, the ex-wife of Stewart Rhodes, who founded the far-right paramilitary group, the Oath Keepers. Stewart had been charged with seditious conspiracy for his participation in the January 6 Capitol riots, and Tasha was eagerly awaiting sentencing: “I need him to stay locked away so my kids can legally cut contact with him when they’re 18.”
Tasha described their decades-long marriage, from their courtship in a ballroom dance class in Las Vegas, to abuse and isolation as Stewart became transfixed on politics and apocalyptic ideas. She and her six kids managed to escape in 2018. And shortly after our conversation there was some good news for Tasha: her divorce was finalized, and Stewart got a long sentence – 18 years. 
Then Trump was re-elected, and on his first day in office he issued nearly 1,500 pardons and commuted the sentences of 14 of his supporters in connection with Jan. 6. Among them was Stewart. 
This week we’re replaying our 2023 conversation with Tasha, as well as a portion of a follow-up conversation we recorded with her right before Trump’s inauguration.
Watch: Trailer for ‘King of the Apocalypse’ 
Podcast production by Zoe Azulay
Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus.
And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com.
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Comedian Gary Gulman is used to dealing with bullies. He grew up with older brothers, who he describes as "aggressive" and “unenlightened,” and he’s witnessed plenty of unkind behavior from his peers in the New York City comedy scene. This is all despite being, in his words, “very, very sensitive.” 
This week, Gary talks about managing that sensitivity, standing up for his principles, and becoming more secure in who he is as a comedian and a man. 
Podcast production by Andrew Dunn.
Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus.
And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com.
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Babygirl, the new erotic thriller starring Nicole Kidman, features an age-gap romance and a power imbalance. But according to the filmmaker Halina Reijn, it’s more about “what part of us is civilized…and what part of us is still driven by primal forces.” It’s also extremely entertaining, sexy, and dryly hilarious. 
This week, Halina Reijn talks about why she wrote the movie, her decision to move away from a very successful and decades-long acting career, and her mission to get us all talking more openly about our sexual desires. 
Podcast production by Cameron Drews.
Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus.
And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com.
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When Delores moved to New York City from Jamaica nearly thirty years ago she didn’t know anyone. But soon she found a community of other nannies and learned how to navigate job interviews and “fussy” parents who don’t like nannies to tell their children no. 
In this week’s episode on paid caretaking, we explore the class and power dynamics inherent in care work. Plus, we hear from Faye*, a woman living with debilitating multiple sclerosis, and her husband Murray*, about how hiring outside help for caregiving shifts became essential to supporting their marriage.
Are you taking care of a loved one with MS? Murray suggests starting here for resources. 
*Names have been changed. 
Read Koa Beck’s essay about becoming a foster parent: “Nanny of the State.”
Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus.
And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com.
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Whether it's a nanny taking us to school or a home health aide helping us age in place, most of us will rely on paid caregivers at some point in our lives. For the next two episodes, we'll talk to professional caregivers about the emotional and economic reality of the intimate work they do.
In episode one, we hear from two eldercare workers: Rahn*, whose relationships with patients have helped heal emotional wounds from his childhood, and Tita Rose, a Filipina immigrant who uncovered exploitation at a nursing home. Plus Goldi, a nanny, recounts how she handled a father’s inappropriate advances and how that experience changed her approach to working for parents.
*We used first names or pseudonyms in this story. 
Will you be in the Bay Area on January 31st? Anna is hosting Sketchfest, a comedy show at Club Fugazi at 7pm. Get tickets and more info here. 
Podcast production by Zoe Azulay 
Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus.
And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com.
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For our last episode of 2024, we’re sharing a handful of stories about what love actually looks like, with all its flaws and complexities. The late poet Nikki Giovanni kicks things off by discussing the complicated love she had for her parents. We also hear from actor Mahershala Ali and comedian Chris Gethard and their romantic partners, and Jane Fonda discusses heartbreak and her choice to end a marriage. 
Here’s a full list of guests featured in this episode and links to the original DSM episodes that they appeared in: 


Nikki Giovanni 


Chris Gethard and Hallie Bulleit 


Mahershala Ali and Amatus-Sami Karim 


Laurie and Krista   

Nikki and Darrell 

Jane Fonda


Podcast production by Andrew Dunn and Cameron Drews.
To support Death, Sex & Money, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus.
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Todd is looking for love, but he’s unsure about disclosing something in dating profiles: his multiple sclerosis. On Slate’s How To podcast, Todd got some crucial advice from Jessica Slice and Caroline Cupp, authors of Dateable: Swiping Right, Hooking Up, and Settling Down While Chronically Ill and Disabled. 
This week, we’re sharing that wonderful episode with Death, Sex & Money listeners, and to kick things off, Anna talks to Carvell Wallace (the host of How To) about what makes this episode special. Listeners may remember Carvell from his appearance on DSM earlier this year. 
Do you have a problem that needs solving? Reach out to the How To podcast at howto@slate.com or leave them a voicemail at 646-495-4001. 
How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is their senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sara McCrae.
Anna and Carvell’s conversation was produced by Cameron Drews. The rest of the DSM team includes Andrew Dunn, Zoe Azulay, and Daisy Rosario. 
Here’s the estate planning checklist that Carvell mentions in the episode and the full episode of How To about estate planning. And here’s the episode featuring Carvell’s son – it’s delightful.
To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus.

Ad Disclosure in Podcast Description: A Bond Account is a self-directed brokerage account with Public Investing, member FINRA/SIPC. Deposits into this account are used to purchase 10 investment-grade and high-yield bonds. As of 9/26/24, the average, annualized yield to worst (YTW) across the Bond Account is greater than 6%. A bond’s yield is a function of its market price, which can fluctuate; therefore, a bond’s YTW is not “locked in” until the bond is purchased, and your yield at time of purchase may be different from the yield shown here. The “locked in” YTW is not guaranteed; you may receive less than the YTW of the bonds in the Bond Account if you sell any of the bonds before maturity or if the issuer defaults on the bond. Public Investing charges a markup on each bond trade. See our Fee Schedule. Bond Accounts are not recommendations of individual bonds or default allocations. The bonds in the Bond Account have not been selected based on your needs or risk profile. See https://public.com/disclosures/bond-account to learn more.
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Ten years ago, Chaz Ebert talked to us about grief and loss as she was mourning the 2013 death of her husband, movie critic Roger Ebert. Her deep sense of connection to Roger continued after he was gone, including, she described, hearing his voice and feeling like they were still in conversation. When Chaz talked about this a decade ago, though, she was skittish about sharing too much about their ongoing communication, nervous that it would sound too out there. 
No longer. 
When we talked just a few weeks ago, Chaz described a lifetime of intuitive sensing, a skill she inherited from her mother. While her conversations with Roger have stopped, her intuition still powers much of what she does, including writing her new book, which she describes as “a download from the universe.” It’s called It’s Time to Give a FECK: Elevating Humanity through Forgiveness, Empathy, Compassion and Kindness.
This week, we listen back to our original conversation with Chaz and hear what has shifted in the ten years since. 
Podcast production by Andrew Dunn. 
Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus.
Come out for a LIVE Death, Sex & Money show at SF Sketchfest, San Francisco’s comedy and improv festival, on January 31. Get your tickets here. 
And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com.
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