Ephesians 5: The Most Misused Marriage Passage In The Bible — And What Paul Actually Meant

In this episode of Bible Chapter by Chapter we walk verse by verse through Ephesians Chapter 5 — one of the most misread, most misused, and most misunderstood chapters in all of Paul's writing.

There is a passage in this chapter that has been used to keep women silent. To justify control. To enforce submission as a one-way street from wife to husband in a way that has caused genuine harm to genuine people.

And there is a passage in this chapter that — when read carefully, in context, in the full light of what Paul is actually saying — is one of the most beautiful and most demanding descriptions of Christian marriage in all of Scripture.

The same passage. Two completely different readings.

The difference between them is not a matter of interpretation preference. It is a matter of whether you read the whole paragraph or just the part that suits you.

Most people who quote this passage start at verse 22.

Wives submit to your husbands.

But Paul does not start there. He starts at verse 21.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Everyone. Mutual. Out of reverence for Christ. That is the foundation. That is the sentence on which everything that follows rests.

And what follows — the specific application to wives and husbands — is not a hierarchy to enforce. It is a picture. Of the relationship between Christ and the church.

And when Paul turns to the husbands — the people who have historically used this passage to demand submission — he does not say lead with authority. He does not say make the decisions. He does not say maintain your position as the head.

He says — love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Gave himself up.

The model Paul gives the husband is the cross. The sacrifice. The love so complete it withheld nothing and gave everything for the flourishing of the one it loved.

That is the standard for the husband. And it is far more demanding than anything asked of the wife.

When you read the whole passage — when you see that wives are called to submit to a husband who is called to love them as Christ loved the church — what you have is not a hierarchy of domination. What you have is mutual self-giving in which each is oriented entirely toward the other.

This is a profound mystery — Paul says — but I am talking about Christ and the church.

The chapter also gives us three walks that flow from the therefore of Chapter 4. Walk in love — as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us. Walk in the light — as children of light whose lives make darkness visible by contrast. Walk in wisdom — making the most of every opportunity, filled with the Spirit, giving thanks always.

Is there a passage of Scripture you have avoided — or accepted a surface reading of — because the deeper reading would require something more of you? Leave your answer in the comments. We read every one.

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