Don’t Suffer in Silence: Advocating for Yourself During Pregnancy

Silence can look like strength, but in pregnancy it can be a serious risk. We sit down with Olamide Shalanke, a nurse, midwife of 15+ years, and senior lecturer in the East Midlands, to talk about what she sees too often in UK maternity care: Black women and other ethnic minority women pushing through pain, fear, and emotional strain because they feel they have to be the “strong one”. 

We unpack why pain is not just “discomfort” but clinical information that helps clinicians spot danger signs such as pre-eclampsia, blood clots, bleeding, or placental abruption. Olamide explains how communication changes outcomes, what it means to advocate for yourself in real time, and how to escalate if you feel unheard, including asking for the shift co-ordinator and using Martha’s Rule to request a second opinion when you feel unsafe. We also talk about birth plans: why the key conversations should happen around 34 to 36 weeks, how to think through place of birth and pain relief options, and why flexibility matters when labour does not follow the script. 

The second half goes deep on perinatal mental health, from common warning signs like severe sleep loss and not eating, to more serious risks such as postnatal psychosis and maternal death linked to mental health. We cover support routes after traumatic birth, miscarriage, or bereavement, including hospital debriefs, specialist bereavement midwives, GP talking therapies and CBT, and occupational health for counselling and reasonable adjustments when returning to work. If you’ve ever felt pressure to cope quietly, this conversation gives you language, options, and permission to ask for help early. 

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