1001 Songs That Make You Want To Die

Want to request a song? Tell us your rating? Send us a Text Message right now! Becky G: "Shower" ★☆☆☆☆ By Someone Who’s Been Held Hostage in a Sephora for 36 HoursThere are songs that change lives. There are songs that move culture. And then there is “Shower” by Becky G—a song that boldly asks, what if brushing your teeth could be a personality?Let’s be clear: “Shower” isn’t so much a pop song as...

Want to request a song? Tell us your rating? Send us a Text Message right now! Silentó – “Watch Me (Whip / Nae Nae)” TurnUp Records / Capitol – 2015 1.6By the time Silentó commands us to “watch me whip,” a full seven seconds into the track, you already know you’ve boarded a train bound for post-ironic oblivion. What follows is not so much a song as it is an unrelenting instructional video,...

Want to request a song? Tell us your rating? Send us a Text Message right now! Kelly Osbourne: “Papa Don’t Preach” Epic Records, 2002 Pitchfork Rating: 3.7In a move that can only be described as “aggressively Y2K,” Kelly Osbourne—daughter of Ozzy, wearer of neon hair, and survivor of MTV’s The Osbournes—emerged from the reality-TV fog of war to drop her cover of Madonna’s “Papa Don’t Preach.” A...

Want to request a song? Tell us your rating? Send us a Text Message right now! Matchbox Twenty – "Unwell" Atlantic; 2003 3.2By: Dax Mumberson, Pitchfork ContributorThere are songs that define an era, and then there’s “Unwell” by Matchbox Twenty—a song that limply gestured at defining something before retreating back into a GAP sweater of its own design. Released in 2003, but spiritually 1998,...

Want to request a song? Tell us your rating? Send us a Text Message right now! Divinyls – “I Touch Myself” (1990) ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ Genre: Sexy Pop-Rock with a Side of Subtle ShoutingIf you’ve ever wanted to tell the entire world you’re into yourself—like, really into yourself—but with an Aussie accent and a jangly guitar riff behind you, "I Touch Myself" is your anthem.Released in 1990, this song boldly...

Want to request a song? Tell us your rating? Send us a Text Message right now! Chamillionaire – “Ridin’” [feat. Krayzie Bone] Universal; 2006 6.4 (but only if you're in a Dodge Charger with illegal tints)“Ridin’” is the rare kind of song that makes you feel both like a criminal and a misunderstood philosopher—if your philosophy thesis is mostly about how the cops are always watching, especially...

Want to request a song? Tell us your rating? Send us a Text Message right now! Flo Rida – “In the Ayer” [feat. will.i.am] Atlantic; 2008 2.1If you’ve ever stared into a lava lamp and thought, “What if this could somehow be a song?”—well, congrats, your dream was made flesh in In the Ayer, the auditory equivalent of bedazzled cargo shorts and Axe body spray. Flo Rida, not known for subtlety or,...

Want to request a song? Tell us your rating? Send us a Text Message right now! Luke Bryan – “That’s My Kind of Night” ⭐️ 1.9 / 10 Label: Cliché Hat Records, a Division of Bud Light SoundsIf a monster truck rally had sex with a Bass Pro Shops flyer during an Axe Body Spray commercial, the baby would be “That’s My Kind of Night.” And that baby would grow up to wear cargo shorts year-round and call...

Want to request a song? Tell us your rating? Send us a Text Message right now! Fergie – “Fergalicious” ⭐️ 2.1 / 10 Label: A Delicious Flop Pastry RecordsAh yes, “Fergalicious” – the 2006 cultural artifact that dared to ask: what if a spelling bee had a sugar crash during a rave at Claire’s Accessories?Fergie, freshly emancipated from the Black Eyed Peas’ deeply important catalog of "My Humps" and...

Want to request a song? Tell us your rating? Send us a Text Message right now! Scandal’us – Me, Myself & I (2001) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (Pitchfork, 10.0)In an era bloated with faux-indie self-seriousness and turn-of-the-millennium testosterone-pop, Me, Myself & I arrived like a rhinestoned meteor, obliterating subtlety and redefining post-reality-TV sonic maximalism. What begins as a breakup anthem...